We provide consulting services
in the area of interpersonal communication psychology,
both in person and remotely over the face-to-face Internet videoconferencing.
We are trying to fill a void
left by other psychological services (which we also provide)
such as psychotherapy, which focuses
on mental health; relationship counseling, which attends to
emotional distress in relationships and parenting; and life coaching,
which is future-focused and aims to achieve long-term personal
goals; whereas psychological consulting helps with specific
interpersonal issues caused by communication flaws, conflicts,
confrontations, and misunderstandings.
To Know Better What We Do,
Consider Some of the Stories of Our Clients
(the names have been changed to protect their privacy)
Liz, Nicole's mother-in-law, always
disapproved of Nicole as her son's wife. Colin, Nicole's husband, tried
everything to improve the relationship between the two
most important women in his life.
He tried to convince his mother that Nicole was a good wife.
He tried to assure Nicole that his mother was a good person.
He felt as if he was a battlefield on which two women waged a war... more
Liz, Nicole's mother-in-law, always
disapproved of Nicole as her son's wife. Colin, Nicole's husband, tried
everything to improve the relationship between the two
most important women in his life.
He tried to convince his mother that Nicole was a good wife.
He tried to assure Nicole that his mother was a good person.
He felt as if he was a battlefield on which two women waged a war.
We went with him over one of his recent arguments with Liz, and saw a possibility
that she was very much afraid to be abandoned by her son, the
only person to whom she was really close.
Through talking further with Colin, we found that her words and actions were consistent with that.
We agreed that Colin needed to address this fear and
convince Liz that Nicole can be seen as a daughter rather than a threat.
It took some effort to put this message into tactful and convincing
words and actions, and it worked. Upon Colin and Nicole having their first baby,
Liz proves to be a most helpful and caring grandmother. Colin even complains that his own
mother joins forces with his wife at a slightest sign of an argument.
This, however, does not make him unhappy.
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Ronald, a highly successful defense lawyer, lost all hope that his
son Jon, 17, would ever have a decent life. Jon seemed to be irresponsible,
lack any sort of care for the future, and have no purpose in life.
He would forget about important exams, never do his homework
if he didn't feel like it, and as a result, his performance in school was very poor.
In Ronald's opinion, Jon... more
Ronald, a highly successful defense lawyer, lost all hope that his
son Jon, 17, would ever have a decent life. Jon seemed to be irresponsible,
lack any sort of care for the future, and have no purpose in life.
He would forget about important exams, never do his homework
if he didn't feel like it, and as a result, his performance in school was very poor.
In Ronald's opinion, Jon would never graduate from high school, let alone college.
On top of all this, Ronald knew this was not due to a lack of intellect on Jon's part; in elementary school, Jon was admitted
to a program for gifted and talented children.
Ronald and his wife Mary tried everything they could think of
to try and help him change. They even sent him to a
boarding school for children with behavioral problems for a year. Together with Ronald and Mary,
we traced back Jon's steps and realized that no matter
how late he was, how much class time he missed and how hopeless his situation looked, somehow,
at the last possible moment, a miracle would occur and a looming disaster was averted.
This pattern was so strong that Jon's parents were shocked that they hadn't noticed it before!
Their son apparently knew exactly what he was doing. Through his behavior, he was sending
very strong messages to his controlling parents. There was an elaborate pattern
of undelivered messages that made everybody in the family feel unhappy, and it took
time to make sure they were eventually delivered and accepted.
Things are different now. Jon is in college with good
grades and a grand reputation. Ronald and Mary are very proud of him.
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Emily, a mother of three, had a very close
and loving relationship with her husband Jeff.
However, she encountered some difficulties of legal nature,
which she decided not to tell him about. She said it was because she wanted
to protect his feelings. The truth had eventually surfaced, though and... more
Emily, a mother of three, had a very close
and loving relationship with her husband Jeff.
However, she encountered some difficulties of legal nature,
which she decided not to tell him about. She said it was because she wanted
to protect his feelings. The truth had eventually surfaced, though and
Jeff got so upset and angry that he began to endanger their marriage.
A friend told Emily about our services.
Together, we analyzed her and Jeff's
words and actions, in the context of
their relationship and unique personalities. It became
apparent that Jeff mainly was hurt not because his
wife inadvertently broke the law, and not even because
she lied to him. What hurt him most was that
Emily deprived him, a strong and resourceful
man, a guardian and defender,
from protecting her when she needed protecting.
Behind his accusations, angry outbursts,
threats to leave the family
and other punishing behavior, a simple message was hidden:
I do not want you to hurt me like that again. It was necessary
to let him know that the
message was delivered and accepted. On my advice,
Emily told Jeff: "I am sorry for
what happened. If I had to choose one thing for which I am most sorry,
it would be that I did not let you
be with me when I suffered."
Jeff's reaction astonished her.
With tears, he hugged her and held her
silently for a long time. Miraculously, anger was
gone, and the loving and caring Jeff
was back. Together, they went through
their ordeal, and their marriage is now stronger than than ever before.
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Michael is an experienced mechanical engineer.
Two years ago, he lost his job of
14 years. Since then,
he had been "between jobs" and almost lost a hope
to get employed again. A former co-worker
referred him to ICS. We started with... more
Michael is an experienced mechanical engineer.
Two years ago, he lost his job of
14 years. Since then,
he had been "between jobs" and almost lost a hope
to get employed again. A former co-worker
referred him to ICS. We started with revising his resume, which was sending
quite a few mixed messages; It showed that Michael was highly
skillful in many areas, while
it remained unclear what exactly he could and wanted to do. It took us
four sessions to establish the exact statement Michael wanted to make about himself,
and two more sessions to find an efficient way to express this statement,
both orally and in writing. Afterwards, his resume was respectively re-written.
Three days later, he was invited to his first interview, and not two weeks later,
he was choosing between two reasonable job offers.
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Lucy was complaining that her five
year old son Dan could never make up his mind on what he wanted.
He said that he wanted to dance, and she immediately suggested
that they check out a nearby dance school,
when he suddenly said he did not want to go
to dancing school. When she asked him why... more
Lucy was complaining that her five
year old son Dan could never make up his mind on what he wanted.
He said that he wanted to dance, and she immediately suggested
that they check out a nearby dance school,
when he suddenly said he did not want to go
to dancing school. When she asked him why, he started to cry.
Another time, he said he wanted
to play with children. When Lucy asked
him whom of his friends he wanted to
invite for a play date,
he started to cry and said he wanted nobody.
He was upset, and she was both confused and worried.
During our session, it became apparent that Lucy and Dan
put different meanings into the same words. Dan was simply
too young to begin "planning for the future".
It appeared that he never meant studying dance, he just wanted
to dance - right there and then, - and was very
upset that mother could not understand him
and just put a CD into the player.
When he said he wanted to play with
kids, he apparently meant the kids who, at that moment,
were playing on a playground across the street.
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Victor, a recent immigrant and gifted software engineer,
kept losing one job after another, despite his excellent command
of the English language and considerable professional expertise.
Our discussions revealed that... more
Victor, a recent immigrant and gifted software engineer,
kept losing one job after another, despite his excellent command
of the English language and considerable professional expertise.
Our discussions revealed that his behavior,
although quite normal by the standards of his original country,
must have been considered arrogant by his American colleagues.
His overly strong statements such as "You are 100% wrong" or
"Let me show you how to do this right"
upset his coworkers and irritated his managers.
At every job, he was fired after he tried to explain to his manager
"how to do this right" in the presence of other people.
It took some effort to introduce him
to the communication culture of American corporate world. At the beginning,
Victor was not ready to admit he was doing something wrong.
His arguments simply missed the point;
("What can be wrong with trying to help?").
Even though he was fully attentive and motivated, it took a number of
sessions before he started addressing the real problem at hand, and realized that
his good intentions and performance were simply irrelevant.
The reality was that his words and actions were interpreted by people around
him as messages that he never meant to send.
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Kathy is a mother of two elementary school boys.
Recently, she decided to homeschool them.
Her husband was initially reluctant
but eventually followed along, whereas her father Isaak
was devastated and even threatened to report Kathy
to the child protection agency for child neglect.
He plainly refused... more
Kathy is a mother of two elementary school boys.
Recently, she decided to homeschool them.
Her husband was initially reluctant
but eventually followed along, whereas her father Isaak
was devastated and even threatened to report Kathy
to the child protection agency for child neglect.
He plainly refused to listen to, read about, or meet
with other homeschooling families. Every conversation
with him ended up in a fight, so Kathy practically stopped
talking to him at all. She was very unhappy with the situation
and wanted to know if there was a way to convince Isaak that she
was not harming her children. Detailed analysis of Isaak's
words and his reactions to what Kathy tried to tell him
revealed the following message: The more you, Kathy, devote
yourself to your children, the more guilty I feel that I relied
on strangers instead of being with you when you were a child.
Kathy talked with her father and addressed this message, telling him
sincerely how grateful she was for the great job that he and his wife did
raising her up, and that they always chose the best available
options for her. Then she added that the times have changed; that today,
there is a viable alternative in homeschooling, and that the
results are by no means disappointing. For the first time, Isaak
did not interrupt her. When she finished, he said reluctantly, "
Well, after all, if we see it does not work, they can always go
back to school, can't they?"
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Al is a single father who, among other issues,
was concerned that he did not spend enough time with his son. He had a
well-paying but demanding job at a Wall Street company, with long working
hours and a long commute. Al said: "I want to spend more time with my son but
we need money and I have to work much." ... more
Al is a single father who, among other issues,
was concerned that he did not spend enough time with his son. He had a
well-paying but demanding job at a Wall Street company, with long working
hours and a long commute. Al said: "I want to spend more time with my son but
we need money and I have to work much." I asked him: "Could you say the same
sentence only instead of 'I have to' say 'I want.' Al said, slowly: "I want to
spend more time with my son but I also want to earn more money for us." Then
he looked at me in surprise: "It sounds now like I have a choice!"
Within a year after this conversation, Al quit his job in the bank
and moved to a less expensive area, farther from New York. There he found another
job that pays less, but is close to his house and leaves him more time to be
with his son.
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Call (201) 497-0289 or click here to schedule your free first session.
